Codependency is when we do not have a self. Enmeshed in the other, we find our existence in the approval of others.
To truly be, without control, without the desperation, is to know who we are, and who we are not. It is to be at peace with our limitations; to have gratitude for our strengths. And in this we offer freely without strings attached and receive consciously when it is appropriate or unconsciously when it is a part of the crucible.
In this, authentic love is not merely an emotional state of being, but rather, a decision based in compassion, even when it is unpleasant. We make relationship so egocentric and cheap when we base love merely in transcendence.
There is no respect, no dignity without keeping an open hand as we walk through flame. But when we keep our hearts open in spite of the journey, it is then that true enlightened, holistic, rewards are obtained.